When I was 21years old I murdered mice at the crossroads of the world and almost got away with it. Not that anyone cared much. Not there, not then. Im guessing few tears have been shed at any point for the mice of Times Square, but by June of 1981 we were six months into the blindingly bright new reality of the Reagan Era, and New Yorkers seemed to be splitting into roughly two large camps in response: those fighting desperately to keep their eyes open, and those fighting to keep them shut.
If that sounds a little dramatic, a little much, well thats how it felt to a young, self-serious assistant manager of a six-screen movie theater on 44th and 7th, through whose glass doors the assistant manager would watch in slack-jawed wonderment every evening as the known world went koo koo. As if everything had taken on the qualities of dramatization, grown swollen and shiny, engorged with laughing gas.
People were wearing costumes instead of clothes, spiffed-up regurgitations of 30-year-old styles.They were speaking out of the corners of their mouths, their words bracketed by quotation marks. Two old Broadway theaters across the street were being razed to make room for a 30-story hotel with California King sized beds, whatever they were; a decades-old diner in the neighborhood was being kitschified into a 1950s-style diner. Even Bonds, the iconic mens clothing store above the Criterion, had been similarly mummified and repurposed as a retro nightclub.
Anyone who was alive in 1981 knows that our present moment is less of a beginning than a fruition. It can be difficult to communicate to those who werent there just how quickly and radically the culture inverted itself in just a few years, how disorienting it was for so many of us. Reagan, who liked to tell stories about being present at the liberation of concentration camps he had never visited, whose White House operated under the guiding principle that, If you tell the same story five times, its true, was first called the Great Communicator in August of 81, giving Orwellian punctuation to a summer when when economic supply and demand traded places, music became a visual medium, and Jeff Koons became famous.
The movies being shown at the Criterion were either bloated, winking facsimiles of the stories theyd displaced, or new stories that blithely inverted the moral valence of the old ones. When it premiered in 1983, itwasnt until about 45minutes into watching Risky Business that I realized the filmmakers werent kidding, that they actually expected me to root for Tom Cruises amoral frat-boy and not against him.
The other staff members at the Criterion did not share my alarm, not outwardly anyway. My immediate superior was a defiantly bearded holdout from The Before Time named David, who oversaw my attempts at money-counting and book-balancing with the half-lidded gaze of a man who spent his breaks chain-smoking his way through The Portable Dorothy Parker. He was 30, about five and a half feet tall with a pointed chin and floppy bangs, and seemed to be making the leap from elvish to wizened without stopping at untroubled. He wore enormous, square-framed glasses. I dont think I have ever seen anyone more pregnant with unspoken observations than David was in 1981.
He had only been at the Criterion for three years, yet David was the senior member of our staff. As movie theaters went it was not a terrible place to work it was even, on occasion, thrilling (like on News Years Eve when we would all head up to the roof with picnic dinners and watch the thrashing mobs below from the comfort of fold-out beach chairs, or on our late night explorations of the labyrinth of hidden passageways that connected the Criterion to its neighbors, or on the morning in early June when 2,000kids in Doc Martens lined up in front of the theater at 10 a.m. to see a matinee show by The Clash during their two week run at Bonds ) but nobody ever wanted to stay for very long. Most of us were on our way to or from somewhere, recently hired or about to leave. We were students, immigrants, divorcees, refugees, rehabbers, and in my case, a dropout, since leaving a junior-year lecture on The Politics of the Soviet Union at NYU, and never returning to the class or the school again.
In thinking about the moment years later I would finally notice that my retreat from impending adulthood had coincided almost exactly with the violent end of my parents marriage, but at the time I was certain I was leaving school because, as I put it to my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, They simply have nothing to teach me here.
* * *
There was a certain redundancy to being 21in 1981. The countryitselfhad glimpsed, in its post-Watergate disillusionment, the frighteningandliberating truths of post-adolescence: that our fathers were human, that we were mortal, burdened with responsibility andcapable of cruelty, that a meaningful future would requireself-reflection andwith the election of anaddledfantasistwe had chosen, as young adults will, to run from reality andtake uneasy refuge in delusion.
Every night after the last show had started at the Criterion I would stand at the ticket box with Aman, the eldest of three friends from Afghanistan who had arrived at the Criterion two years earlier, after the invading Soviet army had chased them from their homes. Strikingly elegant, with a swept-back mane of hair and the posture of a sentry, Aman would ask in halting sentences why I had given up on my education, and smile with patience at my lunging replies. I was a lost, thick-tongued mess, but thankfully not far gone enough to miss the dull thud produced by the complaints of a foggy-eyed American suburbanite on the ears of an exile, so I let my colleague do most of the talking, which, as you can imagine was of a distinctly guarded sort.
Aman allowed himself a suspiciously hearty laugh at my expense at least once, though, when I finally confessed, during one of our ticket-counter chats, to a recent spree of mouse murders.
I had murdered my first mouse about eight weeks after taking the job at the Criterion, or about six weeks since the mice had launched a series of midnight attacks on the store-front ice cream stand the theaters owners had opened in a renovated former box office. Ice cream stands were popping up all over New York that summer, selling a product that, like so many other things suits, chairs, baseball players and beds had suddenly and without warning doubled in size.
The Criterion itself had recently undergone a metastatic growth, with the division of its ground-level movie house into two, and the addition of four new bunker-ish theaters in the basement. It wasnt very long, of course, before all that digging and growing and ice cream-welcoming caught the attention of the buildings permanent residents, and, on a distractingly humid night in early June, inspired them to overcome their usual shyness to brazenly dine, buffet style, at the stands five-gallon tub of rum raisin.
An emergency meeting was called by Rich, one of the owners, a sputtering fire hydrant of a man who had recently taken to wearing blue shirts with white collars that only served to emphasize his myocardial complexion. Rich, along with his wife and sons, operated the Criterion in a manner that perfectly evoked the level of easy-going, drama-free problem-solving we all associate with the word family, and forever inoculated me against the cultural mythology of mom and pop shops.
Rich had a plan for dealing with the mice and it went like this: Kill the mice. Kill all the mice, however we have to, every day, for as long as necessary to keep them from getting between us and a single penny of that sweet, sweet Fuck-You-Jimmy-Carter-Its-Morning-in America-Now Money.
The mice-killing would happen like this: Themorning crew would set out some traps, glue traps, and every night at closing time the college dropout would dispose of the trapped and killed enemies of wealth in a manner to be determined later. OK?
OK. So, that was OK. No biggie, whatever. Except I probably didnt say no biggie, whatever because people werent saying things like that yet. We were still in the first few months of The Reaganing, and there were still some things, a few stalwart, remaining things, like words, that hadnt yet been fully holographed and italicized. Or so it seemed to me, self-serious me, as I helpfully explained to the Criterions cashiers, concessionaires and ushers in long, spit-flecked, nightly asides much like this one, often for precisely the same purpose: to avoid the uncomfortable subject of mice.
Like people and presidents, mice do their worst damage in secret: the poisoning of wells, the sharing of contagion, the spreading of fear. We are left to infer the trouble theyve caused by the shit they leave behind. In 1981, Ronald Reagan was doing his best to murder the past and obscure the future. He occupied a constantly evolving, revisionist present, where he was able to make a virtue of his knack for amiable amnesia and blithely dismiss misstatements with a calculated twinkle in his eye and the press cooperated by judging the administration on its own terms.
The good news is that, like people and presidents, mice also cannot resist the desire to force others to clean up their poop, a hubris they refuse to unlearn and which leads them, inevitably, to their doom.
They do not go peacefully, however. A mouse stuck in a glue trap will chew through flesh to free himself, and die trying. He will snap his own bones, break his own teeth, and die in agony.
Finding a mouse in a glue trap usually meant finding a dying mouse, rather than an already dead one. It meant witnessing his agony, sometimes three or four times a night, something that only got harder the more I did it.
The question of what to do about that had become an urgent one. Tossing writhing rodents into a trash can was unimaginable. David suggested I let him pet the mice. David had a sore on his arm, near his wrist, that wouldnt heal. A round, purple lesion that he referred to as his stigmata. Im like a reverse Jesus, he said. One touch from me and theyll keel right over.
So I walked into the office to ask Rich, the owner, why we didnt just hire an exterminator. I found him sitting there in front of teetering stacks of one- and five-dollar bills a not uncommon sight in the movie theater business, but always a fraught one, since the movie theater business is actually the popcorn business, or, more accurately, the popcorn cup business, since popcorn cannot be inventoried in units, while cups of course can, and so the opportunities for mischief are as plentiful as the number of cups that can be retrieved from the trash every night by concessionaires who then refill and resell them while pocketing, and sometimes sharing, the profits.
So maybe it was just-a-hazard-of-the-business jumpiness, or maybe not, but whatever the reason, when I entered Richs office and asked my exterminator question he cocked his head at me and said, Do you like your job? and before I could muster an answer he was chalking a diagram for me on the office blackboard. As he drew he said, Do you know why you have a job? and then something like, You have a job because I. Make. Money. I created your job and everyones job in this place and I pay for your uniform, your Social Security, (there were lots of chalk dollar signs and arrows now, raining down from the top of the blackboard at a stick figure that I guess was supposed to be me. . . . and I give you breaks and let you eat in the office and all this stuff I do not and should not have to do because I make enough moneyto do them. You wanna give me a hard time about being smart enough to not get ripped off by some schmuck with a tank full of Raid I can buy at the A&P? How about a little gratitude? How about maybe instead some gratitude?
I took a breath and mumbled my thanks, and what I did later that night was this: I followed a telltale trail of droppings behind the ice cream counter, to find a mouse who had just then and just barely been trapped. One of his rear feet had firmly, permanently, dug its way into to the glue. I lifted him, or, not him but the trap, as he dangled from it, and I placed it in a white ice cream bag and crumpled the top closed. Then I walked out the front door of the theater toward a momentarily empty Seventh Avenue and I bent quickly to place the bag a foot or so from the curb, turned right around and headed back inside without waiting to see what happened. When I left work through the same door an hour later I avoided looking at scene head-on, but caught the flattened shape of the bag in my peripheral vision.
I repeated the procedure every night after that, at least once, sometimes more.
* * *
The top ten television shows of 1975 were, in order, All in the Family, Sanford and Son, Chico and the Man, The Jeffersons, M*A*S*H, Rhoda, The Waltons, Good Times, Maude and Hawaii Five-O. Anyone too young to remember them should look up images of the people who starred in those series, people like Esther Rolle and Bill Macy. You might notice that almost all of them look suspiciously like actual people, human beings, with medical histories and memories and digestive systems. And if you look up 1985s top shows you might notice that this was very much not the case for the stars of Dynasty, Dallas, The Cosby Show, Family Ties, The A-Team, Simon & Simon, Knots Landing and Falcon Crest. Youll see a gallery of the kind of faces were now used to seeing on TV, the ones that look like theyre assembled in face factories and shipped to Hollywood in bubble-wrap. That was the face Reagans America loved, the kind that asked nothing of its audience, and it was the face his White House presented to the public. Despite all his time on horseback, Reagan was a man of affect, not action, and he was inspiring a culture of apathy and entitlement.
Sometime in June of 81 a patron vomited in the entryway to one of the new basement bunkers. I had cleaned up my share of excretions from a wide variety of urban inhabitants over the two years that Id been working in theaters, but my recent elevation to management meant that I would now be able to delegate that and other unpleasant tasks to the ushers.
So I pulled a mop and bucket out of the storeroom, started walking it toward Aman, who was the usher on duty and. . . and I kept walking, right past him, over to the puddle on the floor. I had never been a boss before, of any kind, and I was incapable of making the needed request of anyone, let alone Aman, who was at least 20years older than I and a lifetime more dignified.
I got to work on the stinking mess myself, but as I went to wring out the mop Aman placed his hand on my wrist and silently implored me not to. The look in his eyes wasnt a collegial, please, let me, it was pained. Admonishing. Of course. I had insulted him. I let go of the mop without a word and watched as he went to work. He mopped thatfloor, that dirty floor of a Times Square movie theater, quietly and quickly, with his back straight and his face at rest, without a trace of a grimace. He cleaned it in the manner Id seen him write letters home, talk to children and take off his jacket, with aplomb, in the manner Id seen him scold the bullies who were starting to show up at closing time to yell towel head and Ayatollah: with purpose and serenity.
When he was finished Aman put the mop and bucket away, washed his hands, and joined me at the ticket box. We watched the late-night parade of punks and tourists thin to a few tipsy stragglers, and it suddenly occurred to me that I didnt know this man, this man with whom Id been sharing this midnight ritual for months, at all. I said, Aman, what did you do at home, in Kabul, for work?
Aman reached into his breast pocket and handed me a coin inscribed with Arabic calligraphy. I asked, were you. . . a businessman, did you buy or sell things? Aman reached again into his pocket and took out a small stack of Polaroid pictures. He handed them to me, one by one, taking a small pause between each photo. The first was of a haunting, twisted abstract shape in bronze, a sort of torqued apple with a hole through it. The next showedan urban plaza, a beautiful, terraced green and concrete space embraced by a large, sloping and curving monument of some kind, a sculpture, clearly created by the same hand responsible for the apple and the coin.
Amanullah Haiderzad was, and is, Afghanistans most celebrated artist. Hes thefounder of its first undergraduate arts program at the University of Kabul, and the designer of its minted currency.
I dont remember what I said to Aman about the pictures of his work. I do remember that as I spoke I felt a little bit like what I imagined astronauts feel when theyre pulling Gs, like I was rushing with great velocity toward or away from something.
One night not long after that one I was lifting a glue trap with a mouse stuck to it from a corner of the ice cream store when David burst into the room and said, Theyre holding a door for us upstairs at Bonds. If we take the back stairway we can get in for free. We bolted up an old, unused stairway as an insistent murmur above us grew to a ferocious, ecstatic beat, through a door that had been left ajar, and right into a frenetic, sweaty crowd lifting itself up and down in unison to The Clash. We stood shoulder to shoulder, very still at first, stupefied, on the edge of a hurricane. The room was blazing hot but I slipped my hands into my jacket pockets to pull it closed, in an act of self-comfort in the face of all that raging energy. It took less than a second for the pain to shoot straight from my fingertip, straight up my arm to my neck, an electric hot spasm that opened my mouth before I could gather enough breath for a scream. I grabbed my bleeding finger with the other hand, turned to David, and finally forced a word out: Mouse! An unmurdered mouse, still in the trap, still in my pocket where Id stuffed him.
Blue and amber lights were spinning and strobing now as the crowd swarmed and engulfedus. Joe Strummer stomped a black boot on the stage whilethe drummer beat the skins into a raging, anguished delirium. I lifted my hands above my head and let the blood stream down my arm. The drums grew louder still. They sounded like they were beating a procession, a tribute to a great and murdered world.
- How to get rid of mice - Western Exterminator - October 2nd, 2019
- The 10 Best Mice Exterminators Near Me (with ... - Thumbtack - October 1st, 2019
- Mouse Control: Appearance, Signs & Removal of Mice - April 12th, 2019
- How Much Is An Exterminator For Mice? (A Quick Guide ... - April 5th, 2019
- 2019 Mouse Exterminator Cost (Average) - PestWiki - March 18th, 2019
- Port St Lucie and Jupiter Florida Pest Control and Bug ... - March 7th, 2019
- Local Pest Control Phoenix, AZ | Western Exterminator - February 11th, 2019
- How to Get Rid of Mice: The Ultimate Guide for Mice ... - October 31st, 2018
- 2018 Rat, Mice & Raccoon Removal Cost | Extermination Prices - September 8th, 2018
- Pest Force - Pest Control and Pest Exterminator Edmonton - June 15th, 2018
- mouse exterminators - Mice Riddance - April 1st, 2018
- Rodent Control, Mice Exterminator | Connors Pest Control - March 7th, 2018
- Everett, WA Exterminator, Pest Control & Termite Inspector - January 26th, 2018
- Knight Pest Control - Exterminator Bedbug Flea Cockroach ... - January 7th, 2018
- Elite Pest Control | Exterminator Minneapolis MN - December 8th, 2017
- Reliance Pest - Pest, Termite & Bedbug Exterminator ... - November 8th, 2017
- Mice & Rat Exterminator - F&W Pest Control - Massachusetts - October 20th, 2017
- Mouse Control Exterminator Services | Western Exterminator - October 18th, 2017
- Tarantula Scares Family in Second Sighting in Days Across San Diego - NBC Southern California - August 4th, 2017
- 22-year-old Contracted The Often Fatal Hantavirus At State Park - Simplemost - August 1st, 2017
- NEW: Rats and restaurants are an icky and dangerous combination - MyPalmBeachPost - July 7th, 2017
- Can you get rid of home pests with essential oils? - GoErie.com - June 25th, 2017
- Ask Angie's List: Can you get rid of home pests with essential oils? - Fredericksburg.com - June 24th, 2017
- Better Business Bureau: Start With Trust - Better Business Bureau - June 22nd, 2017
- Exterminator working to eliminate Wilmington mice during summer - New Castle News - June 22nd, 2017
- Oak Lawn Goes On Rat Patrol - Patch.com - June 21st, 2017
- At Home: Use essential oils to get rid of home pests - Topeka Capital Journal - June 17th, 2017
- After the flooding, Pierrefonds residents coping with unwanted rodent house guests - CBC.ca - June 14th, 2017
- Need to get rid of tobacco beetles? Here's how - Rochester Democrat and Chronicle - June 13th, 2017
- Essential Oils Can Repel Mice, Spiders - Valley News - June 11th, 2017
- Can you get rid of home pests with essential oils? | Life ... - South Bend Tribune - June 10th, 2017
- 'Dance Moms' former coach Abby Lee Miller faces more trouble - Blasting News - June 3rd, 2017
- Rodents take over Isa - The North West Star - May 25th, 2017
- Code enforcement complaints fines for Commercial Building Rat ... - Digital Journal - May 23rd, 2017
- Essay: A sticky situation - Martha's Vineyard Times - May 17th, 2017
- County Health Inspector to Visit Robert Hunter School; District Bars Reporter From Attending - TAPinto.net - May 16th, 2017
- Mouse Control - Orkin.com - May 15th, 2017
- Battling Mice at Robert Hunter School - TAPinto.net - May 12th, 2017
- PRIME TIME: Critters north country folk need not worry about - Bemidji Pioneer - May 12th, 2017
- Carpenter Ants Infiltrating Greater Seattle Area Homes and commercial business buildings - MENAFN.COM - May 10th, 2017
- Bigfoot Pest Control Services Area Expands To Chicago and Surroundings - Digital Journal - May 8th, 2017
- Spring Home and Garden: Technician offers advice on pest control - Pamplin Media Group - April 27th, 2017
- Rodent Control: Get Rid of Rats and Mice - Orkin - April 13th, 2017
- Seattle king county pest control companies reveal Abandoned buildings contribute to the rise in rats mice infestation - MENAFN.COM - April 6th, 2017
- Seattle king county pest control companies reveal Abandoned ... - MilTech - April 5th, 2017
- MPI changes rodent claim policy, expects to save millions - CTV News - March 23rd, 2017
- Dollar General closes after inspectors report live rodents, insects found in store - WLWT Cincinnati - March 21st, 2017
- Seattle Airport Hangar needs a Commercial Rat Pest Control ... - MilTech - March 19th, 2017
- Seattle Airport Hangar needs a Commercial Rat Pest Control. - MENAFN.COM - March 18th, 2017
- Seattle Airport Hangar needs a Commercial Rat Pest Control. - Digital Journal - March 17th, 2017
- Rodent infestations on rise across Preston - Lancashire Evening Post - March 16th, 2017
- Mouse - Wikipedia - March 7th, 2017
- Napa Wildlife Rescue, Gasser Foundation team up to use owls, not ... - Napa Valley Register - March 2nd, 2017
- Napa Wildlife Rescue, Gasser Foundation team up to use owls, not poison, to kill rats - Napa Valley Register - February 28th, 2017
- How to get rid of mice - Popular Science - February 24th, 2017
- Napa Wildlife Rescue, Gasser Foundation team up to help environment - Napa Valley Register - February 23rd, 2017
- Have as much information as possible if pet exposed to poison - Charleston Post Courier - February 19th, 2017
- Best PC controller | PCGamesN - PCGamesN - February 16th, 2017
- LETTER: Bin men's food waste collection technique is a shambles - Stroud News and Journal - February 14th, 2017
- Do Away With the Pests With Exterminator in Edmond - Press ... - Digital Journal - February 9th, 2017
- Do Away With the Pests With Exterminator in Edmond - Military Technologies - February 9th, 2017
- Restaurants in Downtown Seattle overrun by Rats, authorities ... - Satellite PR News (press release) - February 7th, 2017
- How to Get Rid of Mice, Mouse Control - Do-It-Yourself ... - January 27th, 2017
- Silver Spring Mice Exterminator - Mouse Rat Rodent ... - November 24th, 2016
- How Much Does it Cost to Get Rid of Mice - KompareIt - October 31st, 2016
- How Long Do Mice Live ? - Western Exterminator - September 22nd, 2016
- Easy Guide to Hire a Mouse Exterminator that gets Results - October 12th, 2015
- Billy the Exterminator Episode Guide - Season 1 - A&E - aetv - October 12th, 2015
- Mouse Removal in Massachusetts - Mouse Pest Control ... - September 30th, 2015
- Metro Pest Control - September 25th, 2015
- How to Get Rid Of Mice :: pest-control-products.net - August 28th, 2015
- How to Get Rid of Mice - Mouse Control - Mouse Traps - July 31st, 2015
- Prevention and control of house mice, Mus musculus - July 4th, 2015
- Mice - Pest Control Canada - July 4th, 2015
- House Mouse Prevention and Control - July 4th, 2015
- Mouse Poison & Mouse Bait - Do My Own Pest Control - July 4th, 2015
- Mouse Control Services | Rentokil - July 4th, 2015
- Rodent Control: Get Rid of Rats and Mice - Orkin.com - July 2nd, 2015
- How to Get Rid of Mice, Mouse Control - July 2nd, 2015
- Is Tomcat Mouse Poison Worth A Darn? - Pest Control - DIY ... - June 29th, 2015